i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
