Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
