4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
