Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
