Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
