K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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