it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What a dumb baby whore.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
