Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
