Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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