You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
