I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
