she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
