would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
