I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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