Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
