After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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