That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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