You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
