I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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