and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
