they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
