I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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