im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
