my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
