So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
