Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
