i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
