you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
