porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
