i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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