How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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