that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
