my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
