well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
