so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
