Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
