she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
