Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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