If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
