I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
