how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
