Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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