And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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