My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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