I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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