I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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