The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
