i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
