We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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