apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
