How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
