My first STD was from a foam party
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
