I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
