guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
