The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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